Psychological Insights

Continental Colleague and I were meant to have lunch a couple of weeks ago, but he cancelled because he was unwell. He has suggested that we meet today instead, and it is only as the hour approaches that I register he is intending to meet up on his day off.

!?!!

I offer him as many ways out as I possibly can, unable to believe that he would willingly give up some precious home time to schlep over Town Hall-wards for a coffee and panini with me. But he is insistent that he is more than happy to do so.

We go to a quiet haven I have recently discovered - where I like to believe Paw Of Jackal hath never trod - and settle down to a lovely chat about travel, our respective partners, and (inevitably) our dear little department.

Continental Colleague's psychological insights into our co-workers are astonishingly accurate and revealing. He is very good at identifying the underlying cause of surface behaviour - whether prompted by insecurity, low self-esteem or fear. Sometimes I can't help wondering if he has missed his true vocation! (I have noticed that our European friends seem infinitely better able to analyse people's behaviour than us Brits. In fact I know a Serbian who really should be a psychiatric consultant...)

I tell Continental Colleague that I understand how people can be dominated by fear (Oh God - do I understand that feeling). What I do not find acceptable by any standards is premeditated malice.

Continental Colleague tells me how disappointed he is by the behaviour of his own line manager. I am not surprised, as he has the misfortune to be on Spiteful Manager's team - someone whom Continental Colleague admits is painfully childish, petty, and vicious. A rather depressing description of someone who is paid £70k a year, I think to myself.

I return to the Town Hall in a very good mood (Continental Colleague even insisted on paying for my lunch!) which is only slightly dimmed by seeing Remora in a corner of the office. I plan to get on with my work and keep myself to myself - except that she immediately starts to behave in the most extraordinary manner.

Everytime I get up to speak to another co-worker, Remora starts butting into the conversation from the other side of the room, specifically addressing the person I am speaking to. And her voice is not a quiet one (Remora's personal philosophy is "I screech, therefore I am"...) But her conduct becomes so weirdly repetitive that my co-workers all start clearly seeing what she is doing. And more importantly, why.

Remora, it would seem, cannot cope with seeing me walking into the office looking happy and contented. She cannot tolerate me having friendly interactions with other colleagues. And her monstrous ego (what I suppose Continental Colleague would interpret as "low self-esteem") means that she is prepared to do absolutely anything to draw attention onto herself.

I could challenge her behaviour. I could ask her politely to stop interrupting my private conversations, and screeching, and being so f***ing rude.

I could - but I don't.
Because if I leave her well alone, Remora's sociopathic mentality will eventually be apparent to all...