No Longer Alone

For a long time, I have felt completely alone.

Not outside work, where I have wonderful, loyal friends, the love of my family, and day to day support from my husband. No. It has only been in the place where I am required to spend the majority of my waking hours, that I have felt isolated, afraid, anxious, paranoid and lonely. Where I have been trapped behind a very high wall.

I didn't create this wall. The wall was created by my organisation. Because as soon as I submitted a formal complaint against Line Manager under the Council's Harassment and Bullying Policy, they brought in an emergency construction team and built the wall overnight. Here are some of the bricks in that wall:

- Former Boss spent hours trying to get me to drop it, despite knowing that I had been raising concerns about Line Manager's behaviour for over two years
- Personnel continually advised me that no-one had ever previously raised a complaint under this Policy, implying that I did not stand a chance
- My Director said in a meeting "it's all about personalities, isn't it Katharine?" continually undermining my belief that it was about inappropriate behaviour
- A colleague who was known to hold a grudge against me was deliberately brought into the proceedings to support Line Manager, even though she had not witnessed the event in question
- Former Boss and Director babbled about the affair indiscreetly, resulting in me being asked by a senior officer from another department "how are you getting on with your grievance?"

Yet all the while, I was threatened with direst penalties if I breached confidentiality in any regard.

For eight months I was discreet, spoke to no-one and suffered daily humiliations and indignities; while Line Manager stood in corridors laughing and joking with Director and Chief Executive; and ostentatiously went off on boozy nights out with those in the department who chose to take his side. And even after my complaint was upheld, the wall still towered above me.

But the wall is starting to come down.

During one of Former Boss's "persuasion" sessions, I tried to convey how I saw his departmental galaxy. At the centre I drew a Big Black Hole surrounded by noisy crackling suns, but around the edges I added some dimly flickering stars.

"These are the Decent People in your department" I told him. "These are people with values, and sensitivity and compassion. You are ignoring them in favour of the toxic, the loud and the destructive. Please stop under-valuing the Decent People. Please".

He took no notice of course. But now the flickering stars have started to shine more brightly. We are communicating. We are connecting up. We have exchanged personal email addresses. We are having private and safe conversations over the weekend about what has happened to us. We feel bonded, and more secure. And they all tell me they are feeling happier - as am I.

Then one of them sends me a link to a Twitter site - @bulliedbyboss - just before she disappears off on holiday. So I still haven't had a chance to ask Private Colleague how she stumbled on this resource, or why she feels the need to connect with it.

I create a Twitter account for my Stepford Employee blog (not easy, as social networking is not something I am familiar with). I start following Bullied By the Boss, and suddenly a number of other similar support networks open up in front of me like the glorious unfolding panorama when one breasts the top of a hill.

OMG !
There are hundreds and thousands of other people out there just like me !!

I AM NOT ALONE !!!