Crossing the Desert

Earlier this year, I was signed off for five weeks because of (and I quote) "work-related stress".

- I didn't go sick during the months of waiting for the grievance hearing to be held
- I didn't go sick as a result of the endless procedural errors
- I didn't go sick when I realised how the extent to which colleague Remora had got herself involved
- I didn't go sick during the months of being ostracised and subjected to "mobbing" behaviour

Bewilderingly, having survived the whole procedure with (I hope) some dignity, and having learned that Line Manager was to be disciplined; I went sick as a result of Spiteful Manager living up to his name. Looking back on things, I imagine that I had just reached overload point.

The Mental Health First Aid training course I undertook last week proved extremely rewarding, because it has enabled me to achieve a degree of perspective regarding my own situation! (I don't think this is entirely the point of the course, but hey - whatever it takes...)

So I learned that everyone can sometimes reach the point when their Stress Bucket is so full that it only takes one thing to make it overflow. And that's very comforting to know.

On the second day of the course, another participant approaches me in the break. Employed by the same organisation as myself, they of course drop their voice to a whisper before they broach the subject they want to talk about.

"I wanted to thank you for being so open about your own anxiety" they say. "Because I suffer from anxiety too".

"We don't suffer from anxiety," I remind them. "We experience it".
Words, words. Semantics can be so empowering !!

We acknowledge that we are having the conversation in whispers. But we don't need to question why. The first session of the Mental Health First Aid training focused on the many negative words which are used in relation to mental ill health. And the ones which are bandied around my own organisation are "weak", "unreliable", "unstable", "over-emotional", "neurotic" and "poor management material".

Sheesh. No wonder everyone is too afraid to talk about these issues.

It is while talking to my fellow trainee, that I realise that I have now actually managed to cross this particular desert and reach some green space on the other side. It isn't the first desert I have crossed, and outside work I constantly share my experiences with others in order to try and help them.

Why don't I do the same at work?
Why shouldn't I do the same at work?

I certainly ain't going to get promoted any time in the near future, not after everything that has happened !! And these people cannot harm me any more than they have done already.

Something to think about.