Its A Dog's Life

It's 4.30pm and I'm on the phone to one of the young women I currently have the privilege of supporting. She's in a positive mood, despite her difficulties, and seems to be doing well.

Cut to 8pm and the Support Group meeting. It's hard for me to keep track of everyone, as I have been entrusted with running the group that evening, and so at the start of the meeting I think she hasn't turned up.

Then I spot her, sitting in an unusually hidden location.
Hmmmmm.

At the end of the meeting, she disappears from view within seconds, but I run out and catch her as she hovers by the gate, waiting for the person who is giving her a lift home.

"How are you?" I ask her.
"Fine!" she responds brightly. "I'm absolutely fine".

To my every gentle question and enquiry, she responds similarly.
I feel a sudden and overwhelming compassion for her, as I watch her walk away.

Half an hour later, a text pops up on my mobile phone.
"I wasn't being honest with you. I can't sleep without you knowing the truth".

I ring her straightaway and she tells me that after our phone conversation that afternoon she took a drink, and that she has not the faintest idea why.

"Thank you for telling me," I say to her. "I am so happy you have told me that yourself. Because of course I already knew ".

"I know," she says, very quietly. "I could tell you knew. That's what made me feel so shit about lying to you".

"Ah, you're forgetting I told you that there is not a mouthwash or perfume in the world which can hide the smell of alcohol from me. I can smell booze at 1,000 paces ! But I knew before I spoke to you. I knew from the very beginning of the meeting".

There is a moment of silence.
"How?" she asks, with what seems to be genuine interest. "How did you know?"

I run through the Obvious Signs:

1. She arrived and sat down without saying hello to me
2. She sat hidden behind a group of other people
3. She avoided my eye for the entire meeting
4. She ran out of the door the minute the meeting finished
5. She adopted her "Social Butterfly" persona as soon as I began speaking to her
6. Her voice was high pitched with anxiety
7. She seemed very physically agitated
8. She was trying to stay outside my smelling range....

But I don't tell her that the main reason I knew was that every time I looked across at her during the meeting, I was struck by how horribly isolated and tormented she appeared.

"I don't think I am ever going to get recovery", she says tearfully.
"Oh, I think you are" I say with conviction. "Because you are starting to get honest".

 "I thought I could just slip away after the meeting," she tells me as our conversation draws to a close. "I thought I could do a runner. But there was no escaping you. You were like a f***ing greyhound !!"

I tell her that actually I am planning a career change - I have decided to become a sniffer dog at Heathrow.

She has spent the past 20 minutes bursting into tears, so it is nice to have managed to make her laugh....