Making the Right Choices

I get to the Support Group a good twenty minutes before it starts. The woman I have just started helping (Angie) has sent me a text earlier in the day saying she will meet me here; and, ever-optimistic, I think she might be there already, waiting for me.

But she isn't.

Angie rang me yesterday afternoon, wanting to talk about issues which have little to do with her recovery, and then told me she would be at that night's Support Group meeting.

But she wasn't.

I feel sad, but I know that there is little point getting emotional about the situation. Angie is far more ill than she realises, both mentally and physically. And her denial is running very very deep.

My young friend Leslie is there though. She is at every Support Group meeting I go to, trying her very best to put into practice what she is learning. She is looking very pretty in a nice summer dress.

Then a very glamorous woman says hello to me. Oh ! It's Holly, whom I last saw a couple of weeks ago. Wow. She is looking terrific ! Far better than the last time I saw her, when she was still shaky and full of shame, with mascara running down her face. Holly tells me she "should" be at a work do, but she has chosen to come to the meeting instead. And she reminds me of how my life started to change when I first started to realise I had choices.

Angie isn't yet able to recognise the choices available to her, which is a genuine tragedy.

It's a fabulous meeting tonight, and full of gorgeous, successful, positive women who make this programme incredibly attractive. I remember meeting women like them in my early days, and really wanting what they had. And it wasn't their jobs, or looks, or home lives I wanted; it was their self-esteem and their peace of mind.

While I am sitting in the meeting, I realise that thoughts of Maggie keep floating through my head. Maggie - who has recently asked me to help her, and whom I had to say no to. Maggie, who nonetheless turned up to the following Monday evening's meeting and sat next to me. Maggie who is working hard on herself and her recovery.

A light goes on.

I have choices - and sometimes I make the wrong ones.
Supporting Angie is not sufficient reason to reject Maggie.
There has to be room for both of them.