Stretched Too Thin..

I have just arrived at a Support Group meeting when a young woman comes up to me, shaking with emotion and barely able to speak. She has been "back out there". She tells me she is desperate. She asks me to help her by entering into a more structured relationship with her (the type in which our organisation specialises).

At the moment, I already have this relationship with two other women Francis and Leslie. The relationships represent a major commitment and take up my most jealously guarded resource time. I have vowed not to take on anyone else for at least six months.

"Yes," I hear myself say. "I will do my best to help you".

AAAaaaarghhhhhh.

This is the biggest challenge I face - the daily battle with my own selfish wants and desires. The want to go straight home after work, and not sit for 90 minutes in fast food restaurants drinking their awful tea and listening to other people's difficulties. The want to skip a meeting because I am tired. The want to skip out of the door as soon as a meeting ends, and not help to clear up. And the want to avoid answering the phone late at night because that means I can't lie on the sofa reading the copy of "Now" I found on the bus.

I go home, feeling frustrated with myself, and tell Husband. He just smiles.

The next day I text Angie and ask her to meet me later for a chat. That evening we talk for over an hour. I can feel a great sense of compassion growing towards her. I have always found it impossible to encounter another person's humility and courage and not feel incredibly moved.

On Saturday morning, another young woman - Maggie - approaches me at the end of a Support Group meeting and asks if she can talk to me. I take her into the kitchen so we can wash up together, and over the clatter of the cups, she too asks me if I will help her.

I have to say no. I have to explain that I now have three women I am working with, and I really will not be able to give her the support she needs. Maggie is very polite, and humble and understanding.

And I feel absolutely AWFUL that I have said no.
I still do.