Impact Statement

Last night I had the first good sleep I have managed to have for about two weeks.

Admittedly, the new carpet installation caused a modicum of disruption, and left me unable to locate anything or even set up my laptop for a bit of therapeutic blogging. But the main reason for my sleeplessness over the past fortnight has been the knowledge that I was going to have to sit in a room for over two hours in the delightful company of Line Manager.

Now it is over, I don't feel the mediation process has benefited me much at all (despite Personnel being convinced that undergoing this ordeal would miraculously make me "happier"). It has all been conducted sub rosa and in strict confidence -  which means that Line Manager's many damning admissions can all be tidily swept under the carpet, and that he can continue to enjoy the protection and support of the organisation.

So why do I feel strangely and inexplicably relieved ?

The weekend offers me an opportunity to mull this over, and I realise that being given the opportunity to clearly explain to Line Manager the impact of his actions upon me has indefinably raised my sense of self-esteem.

The process certainly didn't have a Hollywood ending. At the end of the session, Line Manager and I did not fall upon each other's necks, sobbing. We did not even shake hands. I told him and the Mediators that I felt there was a cauldron of unresolved issues bubbling away underneath us; and when I said to Line Manager "you still seem to be harbouring a lot of anger" he didn't deny it.

But I was able to stand up for myself, speak my truth, and NOT PEOPLE PLEASE.

Line Manager now knows that he must confine our discussions to work matters.
And that I will only sit in a room with him if the door is left open....

I speak to him two or three times before the working week comes to a close - referring a couple of issues to him, and asking for some minor help with another. Our conversation is polite, quiet and minimal - exactly the kind of interaction I have always wanted.

His retirement is about 18 months away, and for the first time I actually believe we are going to be able to reach this milestone without further conflict.

Whether or not he can alter his behaviour where my poor beleaguered colleagues are concerned, only time will tell...