Payback Time

Ex-Army Man has an enormous ego, is about as sensitive as a triceratops, and cannot lower his voice below 73 decibels.

He is also the person who has been placed in charge of our impending office move.

Everyone else realises that this job is a thankless, boring and miserable task; and utters daily prayers of gratitude that New Boss's eye did not alight on them when he was casting around for someone to dump this one onto. Ex-Army Man is, however, labouring under the delusion that being personally hand-picked for this job is incontrovertible evidence of his superiority.

Even the most placid among the Decent People are now on the point of strangling Ex-Army Man, whose booming pronouncements and controlling behaviour are bringing out everyone's inner demon. Given that my own Inner Demon is not as far below the surface as I would like, I am finding visits to the Town Hall extra-challenging right now....

Ex-Army Man has spent the day officiously wandering around waving a large seating plan, and by dint of some nifty footwork and Jason Bourne-style somersaults into stationery cupboards, I have managed to avoid him for almost an entire day. But eventually Ex-Army Man corners me by the printer.

"Young lady, have you got a minute?"
(Yes, he really does talk like that.....)

I make a vague gesture of assent as I can't quite bring myself to speak to the awful man. Ex-Army Man then proceeds to advise me that under the new office arrangement, I will be sharing a desk with none other than Remora. (Ah! Remora. Thereby hangs a tale etc etc)

Remora, as Ex-Army Man well knows, meddled her way into my grievance against Line Manager. And if I loathed her before, my loathing has now increased a trillion-fold.

So why, you may well ask, has Ex-Army Man come up with this extraordinary juxtaposition which - if implemented - will inevitably lead to me throwing myself, my computer or Remora (or quite possibly all three of us....) out of a third floor window???

Why indeed.

I fall back on my Emergency Response.
"Mmmmmmmmm" I say, before turning my attention back to the document I am scanning.

At the end of the mediation session, Line Manager was left in no doubt about the impact of his actions, particularly his alliance with Remora. It is one of the many nasty and totally inappropriate actions he was forced to own up to.

I go and see Line Manager and in words of one syllable explain to him what Ex-Army Man has proposed. Line Manager blanches. I tell Line Manager that as he must surely know, there is no way on God's earth that I will ever share breathing space with Remora. Line Manager tells me he will come up with another solution.

I shan't be bothering New Boss with the reality of how I am feeling.
But if necessary I shall bother Line Manager every minute of every f***ing day.

It's Payback Time.