Yes, it can come as a wee bit of a shock (this is particularly upsetting if one has misguidedly assigned people into the "Decent People" class) but just think of the time and effort which can now be put to more productive use!
- No more wasted hours chatting by the kettle, hoping that this person likes you (They don't, so feel grateful for this clarity)
- No more confiding of your money/health/relationship concerns (this person has proved themselves untrustworthy so you need never tell them anything about yourself again)
- No more believing a single thing they say to you (because you now have proof they are a mendacious slimy little scumbag)
This week I go along to a work "do" - which is a very rare occurrence these days, as strangely I always seem to have something better to do than schmooze up to New Boss, senior officers, and politicians. But - dammit! - the subject of this work event is one which piques my interest. I make appropriate preparations and ask three non-work friends to accompany me, meeting up with them beforehand for a beverage.
Despite all this, when I walk into the venue and see the Jackals waiting in a pack in the centre of the room, I feel a sudden irrational upsurge of anxiety and realise why I have not been feeling quite right over the past few days. Thank God I am not on my own. Really, I feel like a little baby giraffe I once saw on a safari (it had a broken leg, and when I asked the guide what would happen to it, he just shook his head....)
My little group peels off to the side and is generally left alone for the evening (which is an enjoyable one). But around halfway through the event I have to go to the loo and am temporarily unguarded.
My little group peels off to the side and is generally left alone for the evening (which is an enjoyable one). But around halfway through the event I have to go to the loo and am temporarily unguarded.
At this point, I am approached by one of the pack, who adopts an expression of feigned concern and asks "how are you?" as if she hasn't seen me for months. She is clearly forgetting (or possibly not...) that she saw me on my return to work following my Mental Health Episode and asked me exactly the same question! In exactly the same tone of voice !!
"Absolutely fantastic" I say (naturally I have attended to my appearance meticulously prior to arriving).
She looks disappointed which is of course the effect I was aiming to create.
"How are you?" I add incuriously, then (thank God) espy one of my friends/bodyguards approaching.
"So sorry, I have to go...." I add, before my interrogator can answer.
Because let's face it - I don't actually care how she is in the slightest.
My friend Cleo was once talking about a neighbour she disliked intensely. She said "when I see her, I really want to tell her to **** off, but I know that would be wrong. So I just say HiYA!..."
Cleo is tough, incisive and hilarious. I've learned a lot from her.
So rather like the vodka advertisement, which shows the viewer a different reality when seen through the bottle; as the evening progresses and people pass by, I see a different reality to the one they portray. I see their true colours. And like Cleo, I make frequent use of her mantra.
"Hiya!" I say to Spiteful Manager. "Hi!" to Remora. "How are you?" (New Boss). "Nice to see you!" (Poor Performer). "Hi! Hiya! HiiiiYYYYAAAA!!"
And that's all I say.
And that's all I say.
But why didn't you go and talk to the Decent People? I hear you ask. Those Decent People you work with, because you think they are hard-working, kind and compassionate. Why didn't you talk to them?
There is a simple answer.
They weren't there.
They were all smart enough to stay away.
No comments:
Post a Comment