Demonic Possession...?

All this crap from Personnel has somewhat distracted me from the main matter in hand - my tour-de-force Katharine Ross appearance in front of New Boss and Line Manager!

Except that I don't think I'll be picking up an Academy Award any time soon...

It's all Real Woman's fault. She just keeps popping out at the most inopportune moments, and completely undermining the character I am so carefully constructing. So at some point during our cosy tete-a-tete I manage to ask New Boss why he isn't transparently communicating with the team as he promised he would, and when he says (generously) "well, I was going to email you yesterday to ask you a question but I didn't", I respond "I wouldn't have replied to you anyway, as I've stopped looking at my Blackberry over the weekend".

I don't really know what these "management meetings" are meant to be achieving, other than ticking boxes on some kind of departmental action plan which only exists in New Boss's brain. Line Manager and I have never spent so much time in each other's company, and rather like a marriage which has long since fallen apart, we really have nothing much to say to each other and sit for long periods staring at the wall (me) or eyeing the other nervously (him). It is a relief to all concerned when I bring the meeting to a close after 45 minutes.

Still, I suspect I haven't done as badly as I could have done. In one former workplace they used to call me The Rottweiler because if I was thrown a bone (aka An Issue Affecting The Staff) I would worry it to shreds before I let go of it. At least today I laugh enthusiastically at New Boss's jokes; and at one point say gently "I certainly don't intend this as any kind of criticism...." while playing with my hair.

I am tidying up my papers at 5pm when New Boss calls me back into his office to ask "a question". We discuss a trivial work issue for a couple of minutes before he steers the conversation  into yet another of his Unsolicited Psychiatric Assessments. Yes - of none other than moi.

Really, the GALL of it ! I mean - how would he like it if I came out with one of the following:

(a) "your frequent barbed comments about "posh people" indicate an extraordinarily large chip on your shoulder"

(b) "do you think you constantly play the clown because you have very low self-esteem?"

(c)  "I've noticed that you are starting to display alarmingly paranoic tendencies about the Policy Unit and I  think medication might help you cope better".

But apparently it is perfectly OK for him to say to me (as he does at this point): "well, I think you just need to deal with your demons".

As you might imagine, this presents a challenge for Stepford Employee. But strangely, at this moment of extreme provocation, Real Woman takes a gratifyingly distant seat and I hear myself laugh with what sounds like genuinely relaxed enjoyment.

"I'm so sorry to disappoint you!" I trill "but I haven't got any demons".

"We've all got demons" he responds (by which you can safely interpret "I have some very dark and scary ones, and the only way I can make myself feel better is by pigeon-holing you as one similarly possessed").

I smile beatifically. "No, sorry! I don't have any demons at all !"

I don't tell him - because it is none of his fricking business - that in fact my demons were all exorcised about 18 years ago. At around the same time, it just so happens, that I finally killed The Rottweiler...