Schadenfreude

There are lots of small children in my life, but none are actually my own. My default state is constantly one of mild anxiety, and if anyone I care about is in distress (hell, even anyone I don't care about), it ratchets up even higher. I really cannot comprehend how parents are able to cope with the day-in, day-out, endless worry about their children.

My overnight anxiety is only alleviated when my troubled friend Leslie rings me at 11am. I suggest that we meet that evening at a meeting of our support group. I identify with Leslie's fears and shame in not wanting to face other people, and I don't know if Leslie is going to be able to muster the nerve to come. I can only offer the reassurance that I know to be true - that those present will feel nothing but compassion and understanding. 

In stark contrast, some of those I work with prefer to glory in other people's misfortunes. Indeed I never really knew what the word Schadenfreude meant until I saw The Others operating up close. 

About six months ago, news emerged which impacted seriously upon one of the department's projects. I had arrived in the office early to find Ex-Army Man agog with excitement, because he had opened the relevant email and was hence the First To Know. The glee with which he imparted the unfortunate news to each member of the staff entering the office was depressing to behold. But these were as naught compared to his real prey - the project manager himself ! Ex-Army Man was on him like a rash, regaling him with the disastrous news before Project Manager had even taken his coat off. Project Manager has treated Ex-Army Man with distinct froideur ever since. Not that Ex-Army Man has noticed or cares....

Illnesses, redundancies, failing projects, Things Going Wrong, are veritable feasts to The Others; who gorge themselves on them; not until they are sick, but until the Decent People around them feel like throwing up.

(Call me weird, but it is a complete mystery to me how anyone else's distress can ever be a source of satisfaction).

Conversely, of course, news of co-workers' success, joy and happiness provoke in The Others bitch-fests of gargantuan proportions! Life Coach Colleague twigged this a long time ago, and takes great amusement in loudly proclaiming his achievements/accounts of his wonderful holidays simply so he can watch the subsequent flurries.

Two years ago, I went to the other extreme and began to conceal, minimise and underplay success in the manner of a small furry night creature trying to avoid the attention of rapacious owls.

A fat lot of good it did me.

I still became a target.

When I arrive at the meeting this evening, Leslie is already sitting there.

Such determination. Such courage. 

It is a wonderful moment. 

And it makes my day.