Recently, a woman I know has started to confide in me about her very controlling husband. Although she insists that he never hits her, I cannot help but feel that the way he treats her amounts to psychological terrorism. On one occasion he rings her mobile phone while we are sitting having coffee, and I catch a fleeting expression of fear flash across her face as she sees who is calling.
It's very hard to bite my lip and not start offering "advice" (because that is not what she is asking me for). But somehow I manage it. Instead, I privately vow to continue offering support as she goes through the painful process of coming to her own conclusions about her situation.
I am reminded of Scared Friend when New Boss enters the office. But it is not he who reminds me of Scared Friend, it is myself.
New Boss has an intimidating habit of stomping into the main office with a grumpy expression on his face and acknowledging no-one. So regular is this habit, that I try not to buy into the scenario - but on this occasion, I fail. He passes right by my desk at least 6 times, and despite not having seen me for over a week, doesn't bother to look in my direction or say good morning. And rather like Scared Friend, who tiptoes around her shouty, controlling husband, fearful lest she has done something to upset him, I start to believe that New Boss's behaviour means there is something wrong with me.
The logical part of my brain identifies this as a fairly typical reaction from someone who has been the target of bullies. But for at least 2 hours, I sit at my desk racking my brains for what I might have done to cause offence.
Coincidentally, that day I have arranged to have a coffee with Private Colleague. I trust and like Private Colleague so I end up telling her of my discomfort. She laughs. "I was off work ill for 3 weeks" she says. "And when I came back, he didn't even ask me how I was".
Oh...
Private Colleague then tells me of a recent incident involving New Boss. He happened to be standing in the main office when Administrator answered an urgent call for him. Administrator said his name 2 or 3 times until it occurred to everyone that New Boss (standing talking to Ex-Army Man) was simply ignoring her. Private Colleague politely attracted New Boss's attention, pointing out that Administrator was trying to put a call through to him. New Boss turned to Administrator and snapped "tell them to hang on!" before stomping back into his office.
Private Colleague smiles as she recalls what happened next.
There was a long silence, broken by Administrator - a quiet lady, who very rarely says anything out loud in the office. On this occasion, however, in her most melodious Jamaican accent she gave utterance to two extremely audible and well spaced words:
"Rooood baaastar..."
So there we have it!
From this incident we can safely conclude:
1. New Boss is a rooood baaastar
2. I don't need to feel intimidated by him
3.Nothing he says or does should ever be taken personally
4. And Administrator is, without question, my new workplace heroine....
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