Fantastical Scenarios

I've been writing a report about our "Harassment at Work - Policy and Procedures Code" from the perspective of a complainant.  I had intended to submit this to Corporate HR directly after the weekend, but I didn't realise how long it would take to commit the whole thing to paper.

Corporate HR has reluctantly been forced into telling me they will "welcome" my views, because back in the mists of time, in an unguarded moment of what she doubtless now sees as pure insanity, another HR Officer assured me that I could participate in the upcoming review of Anonymous Council's procedures !!

And now I am holding them to it.

But it is taking a long time, because I have over-estimated my ability to simply write down the facts without being affected by them. So every now and then I have to break off, and go and have a cup of coffee, or head out for a walk, or ring one of my friends.

Re-reading my Head of Department's "Investigative Report" for example. The one where he briefly buried in the middle of his damning indictment the more-than-slightly pertinent comment that Line Manager had admitted shouting at me in front of my colleagues; and then devoted the surrounding four pages to painting a fantastical scenario in which I was entirely to blame for what had happened !

I think you know the scenario I mean.....?

"A quiet Line Manager, noted for his hard work, people skills and courteous interactions, is sitting alone in his office, when a junior female colleague of 5'2" enters and inexplicably begins to speak to him so provokingly that the threatened Line Manager is forced to lose control and start shouting at her, simply in order to defend himself ! Continuing to feel deeply under attack, despite her having instantly about-turned and left his office, the poor victimised Line Manager then follows her out into the main office and continues to shout while towering over her, making her believe he is on the point of striking her. The junior female colleague then sits down silently at her desk, not because she is frightened, but because she is deliberately attempting to entrap the Line Manager into committing further offences...".

Yes. That scenario.

When I first read this report, in September 2011, I began shaking so badly my sister had to make me sit down. She's 7 years younger than me, but that afternoon I clung to her as if she was a psychiatric nurse. I'm re-reading that report now in my office, over a year later; and I'm not shaking, but I feel as sickened by my Head of Department's perfidious defence of my Line Manager as I did when I had my first disbelieving sight of it.

It's irrelevant that I finally succeeded in having his Report discounted (possibly because his scenario was regarded as too luridly fantastical even by my employing organisation's standards??), and it was agreed that the matter should be re-investigated by an officer outside the department. And I was lucky. They appointed someone who was committed to uncovering the truth, not protecting a bully's a***.

It's irrelevant, because I still feel sickened that someone for whom I worked devotedly for 11 years - responding to his queries at 7am and midnight, working evenings and weekends, taking on additional responsibilities and roles - could, without a second's thought, have taken the decision to throw me on the pyre...

My Head of Department has retired now. If he's doing what he always said he would, then he is sailing towards the Algarve right now, enjoying the generous pension which loyal membership of Anonymous Council's Bullyboys Club has earned him, oblivious to the damage and distress he has left in his wake.

I try not to hold resentments towards Head of Department. I try very hard not to think about him. Hell, I even went to his Council leaving do because he particularly asked me to go. But re-reading his "Investigative Report" brings it all up again; and yet again I am confronted with the fact that I am not altogether "over" what has happened.

And I think again about what he said to me at his leaving do, when I politely went over to say goodbye (I spent a bare hour at the party, and this was the only time I went near him). He was on his fourth - or possibly tenth - Rioja by then, and he took hold of my arm so that he could pull me close to him and whisper quietly in my ear so that no-one else could hear:

"I want to apologise for everything that happened to you".

??? 

I really AM polite you know. I am noted for being a very polite and restrained person. And I think he thought I would do what I always do - accept his apology and we would all be friends again. But this time I didn't.

I said: "You have no idea of the damage you have caused".
And he said again: "I'm sorry".
And I said: "I wish you a very happy retirement".

And then I walked away, got my coat, and left.