Rotten to the Core

It's been ages since I connected up with Teddy. She works for another Council department, but over the years we have had occasion to work together on some joint projects. She's kind, hardworking and totally committed to her job. In fact, her dedication is legendary. Bit like mine used to be....

Teddy emailed me a week ago suggesting that we meet for a quick coffee. Quick coffee? Pah! I spit on "quick coffee". As someone who is now embracing work/life balance to the max, I suggest we have lunch instead, and am delighted when Teddy immediately says yes.

So now we are flipping through the menu in a quiet local restaurant; and humming and ha-ing over whether to go for the fishcakes or the mackerel....

And Teddy says "how have things been?".
And I say "well, I have had a very bad year".
And Teddy says "Oh Katharine, I'm so sorry to hear that. What's been going on?"
And I hear myself say "I was bullied by my line manager, and I made a formal complaint, and that is when the nightmare really started".

Teddy looks concerned and asks me some questions. And because I am weary of being threatened with "disciplinary action" if I so much as breathe a WORD about what has happened to me, I tell her - in a fairly discreet, naming-no-names, type of way - the events of the past 12 months.

And Teddy makes sympathetic noises. But Teddy gets quieter and quieter. Until finally she looks around nervously, and drops her voice to a whisper even though there is no-one else at our side of the restaurant, and says "Oh Katharine. I am being bullied by my manager too."

Our scheduled one hour lunch expands into two and a half hours while the waitress - sensing from our hushed voices and our closely pressed heads that a very private conversation is afoot - discreetly leaves us alone.

As I listen to the unfolding tale of how she is being treated, I start to feel more than a little sick. Because it is not the first time in the last couple of months that I have admitted to a co-worker that I have been the target of bullies; only for this to trigger confidences of their own. Confidences which make a total mockery of all Anonymous Council's policies and procedures, and anti-bullying codes, and insistences that all staff treat each other with respect.

Then Teddy tells me that a senior HR officer she approached for advice actually advised her not to make a complaint as it would be such an ordeal for her ! Which does leave me wondering what the f*** any of us are actually meant to do when faced with this problem.

And although I do not want to make sexist assumptions, it is impossible not to observe that all the instances which have been shared with me involve senior male Council officers bullying junior female staff. Talented ones. The implicit message seeming to be: "if you ever think of getting above yourself, I will crush you into silence with a big, heavy, and organisationally-supported fist".

Wow. Depressing.

It is perhaps not surprising that a couple of years ago my organisation established a Women's Network - an innovation most organisations embraced in the 1980's, but have subsequently discarded as outmoded and unnecessary. However, as we have the distinction of being a local authority with one of the lowest number of women at senior management level; clearly we have to be seen to be doing something to address this "problem". 

At this point, listening to Teddy, I find myself once again wondering why any woman in her right mind would aspire to join the Senior Management Team - a group of men who will defend each other to the death against any outsider with the temerity to challenge how they behave . (Oh - and don't get me wrong. I am not anti-men. I married one).

No. Most women in their right mind conclude very rapidly that their talents, skills and experience will be better valued within a more forward-thinking organisation than Anonymous Council. An organisation which is starting to seem rotten to the core.

There aren't many ways to fight the Council, and there are even fewer ways to beat it. But I share with Teddy everything I have learned over the past year when I finally stood up and asserted my right not to be bullied; and I tell her everything I did right, and everything I wish I had done differently. I give her my home email address and personal mobile number. And finally I suggest she joins Twitter and follows @bulliedbyboss and others.

When we leave the restaurant, and give each other a hug in the street before parting, I know Teddy doesn't feel alone any more. And that makes me feel very good indeed.